I was talking to a friend recently and she commented on how positive I was in the midst of Laurence’s health challenges. I got off the phone and thought about her comment. I remember when I not only had a dismal view of life, but also blamed everyone else for my woes. You know that little voice in the back of the brain? Well mine is a graduate of MSU (Making Stuff Up) and excels in anxiety, apprehension and angst.
There are days when I get caught up with taking things personally, feeling left out, experiencing my victim self and blaming myself for whatever is happening in my life. That kind of thinking depletes the energy and joy out of life!
Fortunately, I’ve trained myself not to stay in victim thinking very long. Through the years of practicing on the spiritual path I know I can give myself permission to feel sad, worried or anxious and those feelings will pass. I turn my attention to God and give thanks for the many blessings I have in my life. I examine the events around me and observe my willingness to learn something new about myself. I call my spiritual mentor for support and prayer.
I think the most important part of this work is the willingness to live in the void. To surrender. To acknowledge that I don’t know what is next and I have no control over it. In that moment I allow my human personality (ego) to fall away and let God step in. “I of myself can do nothing. It is the Father within that does the work.”
When I live in the void I allow God’s healing power to take charge. If I can take a moment in the silence, I return to the extraordinary place of peace and harmony. Instead of planning, changing and fixing, I allow myself to just be. God has much greater plans than I can ever imagine. It’s up to me to live in the void long enough to listen and receive.
Blessings to you for a month filled with God’s Goodness and Grace.
wow i was just reading this note from you and i have been struggling with letting God lead in my life. i joined a methodist church last year and love it so much. it is the family within the church that i love and the support i get it is so wonderful. i am taking a course in Stephens Ministry. it is wonderful and i’m lerning so much more about myself also along the way. i am actually learning to listen better. mark and i are doing great. he does not go church with me but i share alot with him. i am so much happier now than i was 16 months ago. thank you for your blog. i will read it often. i also did Ash Wednesday at my church also. wonderful experience. i loved having the ashes on my forehead for my visual for myself. please give laurence my love and prayers. we love both of you so much. thank you. joanne