Self-judgment is a particularly painful pastime for women. We judge ourselves with outdated tapes and messages. The inner critic is constantly badgering us with should and have to. Not to mention the frequent reminders: You can’t have what you want. You’re not good enough. How on earth do you think you can pull that off?

Would you repeat the inner judgments you say to yourself to someone you loved? We wouldn’t think of it. Yet, we beat ourselves up mentally and verbally until we are left exhausted, powerless, and immobilized. Self-criticism and judgment are debilitating habits. They break down our faith, erode self-esteem, and stir up feelings of shame.

Each of us is a divine being filled with beauty, love, and light. We are extraordinary individuals with unique talents, gifts, and abilities. Each of us has overcome obstacles, tackled tough problems, and accomplished courageous deeds. It’s up to us to acknowledge ourselves. It takes practice to be our own best friend and praise the good we’ve done. The more we focus on the good we see in ourselves, the more opportunities we attract and deepen in positive self-esteem.

As we release judgment of ourselves and those around us, we become aware of the exquisite beauty of nature around us. We begin to see ourselves as a temple for our living spirit and as a vessel to receive God’s love.

It’s time we acknowledge our beauty and accomplishments, accept our own compassion for being human, and celebrate our divinity. You would want that for your best friend, wouldn’t you?

[An excerpt from my new book Authentic Spirituality: A Woman’s Guide to Living an Empowered Life]

We discussed the power of listening in our recent caregivers class. Very often we think we are listening but the mind is wandering to other topics. This is very prevalent today in our multi-tasking society. We may be on the phone with someone, but responding to emails, reading mail, or driving the car. It is rare to have a one-to-one conversation any more!

We lose sight of the divinity of the other person when we fail to listen. Other times we are so reactive to what the person is saying that we are busy formulating a reply and not really listening to them at all. We’re cheating the person speaking out of truly hearing what they have to say.

The true gift of listening is where we are fully present and receptive to what another person is saying. We may not fully agree with them, but we honor and listen to their story.Words of wisdom from Fred Rogers, host of “Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood,” “The greatest gift that you can give another person is to gracefully receive whatever it is that they want to give us.” We give others the greatest possible gift by consciously listening to them.

How easy it is to give up our power. We are often afraid to ask for what we want and often end up becoming a doormat for others. We give away our time, money, energy and ideas because we believe we are not good enough to hold on to them.

It is so important honor our own thinking and feelings. In A Woman’s Worth, Marianne Williamson says “A woman who cannot honor her own feelings will not find them honored by anyone else.”<br /><br />It takes daily practice to accept ourselves and not beat ourselves up; to celebrate our wins and achievements and to rejoice in our discoveries. It takes persistence and practice. The rewards are abundant!

I was speaking to a group recently and I was asked about the process to develop faith. I wish there was a five-step technique. Or a ten-week practice. Or a three-tiered approach. There is no such thing. I have such a clear image of the Indiana Jones movie where Harrison Ford’s character stands at edge of the bottomless chasm while the bad guys are chasing him and coming close. The chalice he is searching for is on the other side of the chasm, as is his freedom. He is at risk whether he stays or goes. Or so it seems. When he finally takes a step into the void, there magically appears a solid step to support him. And another and another until he makes it to the other side.

And so it is with the practice of faith. We move forward each day not knowing how or what will support every step that we take, but trusting that what we need will show up. It is an individual process of growth, patience and willingness.  The practice yields ever deepening faith and trust.

In Scientific Christian Mental Practice, Emma Curtis Hopkins speaks so eloquently about faith, “Faith stands near. You know she can do anything. She can raise your hopes to highest heaven. You can choose faith, or you can choose doubt. Both are near. One is the reality of life, the other is unreality. One or the other is chosen by what you say most vehemently.”

Faith is the freedom in knowing that whatever I need will be provided; whether it’s having the strength to face the day, the courage to speak my truth, or help for a loved one. Faith is appreciating every day as a treasure and every experience as a gift. 

As women we are trained to compare ourselves to magazines, advertising, friends, co-workers, family members. We feel inadequate and insecure as we measure ourselves against the accomplishments and goals of others.

It seems that there is a new place of comparison for us. According to Daniel Gulati’s recent post, Facebook and social media are causing anxiety, jealousy and even depression. It is so easy to avoid things we need to be doing and spend time reading what everyone else is doing. It then creates a downward spiral  as we compare ourselves to others and neglect our families, business, exercise. We feel bad about ourselves, have little energy to take action, so we avoid pain by logging into fb. Only to feel bad about ourselves…. do you see the pattern?

He suggests in his article to limit time on Facebook and strength our real-world relationships. I suggest going for a walk, calling a friend, take some steps of action, however small they may seem. Making a list of accomplishments and having a list of goals nearby keep us on track and out of trouble.