I felt betrayed. My friend took advantage of our friendship and of my generous nature and I felt wounded. After all we’ve been through together. Any judge and jury would find her behavior irresponsible and would find her guilty as charged.
One day I realized how much energy it was taking to stay angry at my friend’s behavior. She was nowhere near me but my thoughts obsessed about her. It was as if she was standing next to me day and night. It was time to confront her and come to terms with her betrayal.
There was one sticking point. All my training over the years taught me that I am the only one responsible for my feelings. I can choose to feel betrayed, victimized and angry. Or I can forgive her. Forgiveness did not seem like a possibility at the time. But I knew I had to start somewhere.
When I was journaling one day I recalled a time when a co-worker was angry at me and accused me of being disloyal to her and hurting her. It was never my intention. I had a lot of other things going on in my life at the time. It was never about her.
A light bulb went on in my mind. Is it possible it’s not about me? What if my friend was going through her own issues and wasn’t aware of her actions? What if it was a misunderstanding and not meant to hurt me? Just thinking about the possibility made me feel lighter. My anger and resentment seemed like waste of time and energy. Maybe I could stop sending my friend mental daggers and send waves of peace instead.
It’s worth a try. I’m willing to begin to let go so I can find some inner peace. How about you?